Pacific Heights

We heard about 'Pacific Heights' from BRAVO's top 100 Scares list a few years ago, and decided to finally give it a shot. Sure, the overwhelming, vast majority of the reviews were terrible, but there was always a caveat that Keaton's performance as a psychotic, conniving squatter made everything worthwhile.

Wrong.

In this cliched, poorly scripted, and poorly acted thriller, a young couple buys a huge fixer upper they really can't afford in the hopes that renting out the two first level rooms to supplement their mortgage.

This is what all Asian people do, right?

Several unappealing prospective renters tour the apartments, and Patty (Griffith) rents one of the apartments to a nice (albeit stereotypical to the point of being borderline racist) Asian couple, while the other apartment remains vacant. As the deadline to get a renter in the unit approaches, Drake (Modine) decides Carter (Keaton) is a charming business man whose word (and initial wad of cash on hand) seems good enough.


Dramatic Irony Alert

We know Keaton is an unscrupulous character from a slapdash, non-sequitur opening scene where hired thugs assault him, so we're already on to his shtick (lol, what is suspense? idk.) He's comes off as very suspicious from the start, bangs on the walls all night, lets a buddy (accomplice) live in the apartment, and changes to locks to his doors.

Essentially, Keaton is the ultimate troll.

As the owners become more frustrated, Carter orchestrates fights and tantrums in front of police and neighbors to make the landlords out to be the most horrendous people ever, and uses the apparently fucked up tenants rights legislation in California to his advantage. The absolute ineptitude and impotence of the law portrayed here is just unbelievable, but then again we're not from California, nor have we had any luck finding a discussion of the realism of the judicial system in this piece of shit movie.

OMG, Jackie is your lawyer?

We find out that Keaton has not only trashed the apartment, but has gutted it, facilitated an infestation of cockroaches, beaten holes into the floors and walls, and has smeared what appears to be his own feces on the wall. This is a bit counter-intuitive since we are told his plan is to tie the landlords up in court for as long as possible, giving him that many months of free rent. The damage serves to fuel the rage, but it does come off as a tad overzealous.

Keaton's plan is truly unknowable beyond:

1) Move into apartment
2) Destroy apartment
3) ???
4) Profit!!!

Totally not racist! Look how much I love it here!

When informing the police about Keaton's antics, the response is less than helpful. We also find out that the black man from the beginning of the movie who had initially tried to rent out the apartment (coming off as overly nervous and pushy about the rental, and ultimately lost his place in line when his application was lost from when the stereotypically Asian couple moved in and kicked it around by accident) is actually the chief of police! Oh snap! Well, this is not the last time a young white character will gain greater wisdom from a older black character, but it's okay because drake totally has a black friend that he gets to hang out with when Carter files a restraining order against him.

Things just spiral downhill into cliched horror/thriller schlock, with cheap scares, insipid dialogue, no clear motivation from Keaton (other than being cray-cray); weak woman, stupid husband, childish "nyeh, nyeh!" legal system, and a big fat bloody ending that says revenge disguised as self-defense is a-okay.

"If only I had taken everything BUT the kitchen sink!"

Rating: 1/5 "We'd give it less if we could!"